A CUP OF CHRISTMAS EGGBLOG

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Hey kids! Yeah, it's me, the Grinch. I'm not usually a big holiday guy, but something's different this year. Maybe it's the Christmas cards. I don't get many, but when I do, they mean a lot to me. (That's just between us. Got it?)


Friends of SGE tend to be an artful lot, and their Christmas greetings are just too cool to hoard, so in the spirit of the season, here they are, from all of them to all of you.

From the Medleys

From the Trosleys

From the Norwells

From Steve Scott

From the Workmans

From the Allisons

From the Smiths

From the Moyers

From the Millars

From the Sorchiks

From the Ervins

From the Conders

From the Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Association

And even from the American Open Sleigh Enthusiast Federation! Merry Christmas everyone!

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UPDATE

With the family off to Grandma's, the Gossons celebrate accordingly. My brother Rocky took advantage of the opportunity to fix a few little glitches on his '34 Ford project.

Rocky glitch number one: "My Speedway wishbone mounts are waaay too low on the frame rails. About one inch of ground clearance - gasp! And it tilts my front axle back 13 degrees!"

"So I cut 'em down..."

"... and used a hole saw to put a hole in the side rail for the tie rod end to pass through and into the Speedway tapered mount, now welded to the inside of the rail. Clean and safe."

"Now the axle is tilted back seven degrees, and my '33 split bones hit the frame about an inch up the rail. This is totally perfect! No unsightly mounts hanging down to bang on the ground."

"I still need to grind, polish, and generally make it pretty, which is what I'll do this winter. The only other change I need to make is to remove the rear spring perches and make up another set that offset the spring eyes a half-inch closer to the backing plates and will place the spring an inch higher on the axle housing. Plus, I gotta add another leaf to the spring pack. On both front and back, I have to flip the spring u-bolts, so their nuts don't hang down and contact the axles on spring compression (Yeouch!). The front spring is too close to the bottom of the frame rails, so I need to cut and box-in a couple of little tunnels for it. And I'll have to whip up panhard bars and mounts, both front and rear. Oh, and box the frame rails in front of and behind the X-member (the 'X' is strong enough to handle frame flex in the middle of the rails). But before I box the rails, I need to weld some nice beefy 3/8ths square nuts inside for my body mount bolts. And weld in steering box mounts. Oh, and I almost forgot - my pedal mount is only tacked in one place! I gotta cut it loose and either replace it, or modify the existing mount plate to move my pedals two inches closer to the center of the car. I scored a killer pair of Armstrong lever shocks off some guy's Morris [ahem], but am undecided on mounting them horizontally or vertically. They look cool mounted horizontally, but will they work right? All these decisions can make a feller nuts..." [Edited for brevity] (Photos courtesy of Rocky Gosson)

Rocky's son Jerm was 15 years old when he bought this '50 Ford coupe from the widow of Spalding, Nebraska's town dentist for $300. It's been through a few changes over the years (most notably a Pro Street version with a hot 400 sbc). But life kept getting in the way...

...like Jerm's roadrace/landspeed Corvette, which has delivered 180 MPH grins from Nebraska to Texas and back.

Jerm's farmtown coupe today sports an all new tricked-out hand-fabbed chassis, a twin turbo 427" LS engine, and a Richmond 6-speed. I blame genetics for this. And I can't wait for a ride. Viva Jerm Gosson!(Photos courtesy of Rocky Gosson)
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SQUIRREL AND TOOLBOX

For all you know, there's a pile of crusty SnapOns under this squirrel, deeming this a rare two-in-one Squirrel and Toolbox combo shot. How do we keep outdoing ourselves like this? Clean livin' and fancy footwork.

GRIN

The presents are under the tree and the SGE offices are prepped for another knockdown dragout Christmas party. Here's hoping the cops don't show up at your holiday blowout this year. And try to leave a little something in the tank for New Years!

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CHRISTMAS SPAM

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Guess what's for Christmas dinner. That's right, Spam! And plenty of it. But this is the good kind.

This year's Christmas Spam comes courtesy of your friends at the SEMA Action Network, who also bring these good tidings:

Big news last week on the Federal-level legislative front! SAN is supporting a new federal law that could effect you and your fellow hobbyists. Beginning in 2017, "low volume manufacturers" (shops which produce less than 5,000 automobiles per year, globally) may opt to sell up to 325 "replica vehicles" ("a vehicle that resembles the body of a motor vehicles produced at least 25 years ago, such as '32 Ford or '65 Cobra") a year in the U.S.

"Previously, companies were unable to sell turnkey cars, since the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) regulated these vehicles as if they were current model year vehicles, not vintage cars."

"The new law treats these vehicles the same as Kit Cars, subject to certain equipment standards (lighting, tires, windshields, brake hoses, etc), recalls and remedies, but not vehicle standards, such as roof crush, side impact, etc."

The alert then turns confusingly cryptic, stating, "replica vehicles" produced by "low volume manufacturers" will be required to have "a current model year engine package, certified by the EPA or California Air Resources Board, and are exempt from emissions testing. Enthusiasts building kits will still have the option of installing engines of their choice." Alrighty then. I'm glad SEMA speaks Bureaucrat on our behalf, I guess. This last bit smells a little contradictory to my uneducated senses, but what do I know?

Bottom line: What does this legislation mean (if anything) to Joe Toolbox - the bluecollar wrencher, building one car (or less) a year for him or herself? Will Dr. Lockjaw have to sell off his J-2 Olds-powered Cobra gasser, and build a Viper-engined Tesla instead? Can I build 4,999 blown hemi Vespas before the Feds come knocking? More will be revealed by 2017, I'm sure.

For enlightenment on how your state regulates home building, go to SEMA Action Network (SAN) TAG_TITLE_TOOLBOX. Good luck.


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And now, on with our annual Christmas Spam Gala! Thank heavens, it only comes once a year!

Freaking out over last minute Christmas gift conundrums? Who isn't? Cover your butt with a discounted pre-order of Lost Drag Strips II at amazon.com! The receipt folds up, allowing perfect fitment into the tiniest of stockings.

While pushing your cart through the Amazon, keep an eye out for used copies of this out-of-print classic (the book, not the car). Regular SGE readers are well aware that the car is still going strong.

For our carnivorous friends who prefer rat to spam, we offer this roadkill delicacy.

Step up your reading game with some mind expansion, as practiced by Roth, Barris, Starbird, and contemporaries.

Can't relate to big buck show cars? We have you covered with Show Rods you can pay for with pocket change, and build at the kitchen table. Glue not included.

For the more adventurous, here's a dozen ribald tales of global high velocity to entertain and inspire.

Set the mood for speed reading with all original surfabilly background ambiance via this rare soundtrack to the (as yet unreleased) book of the same name, and turn your library into a rocking party with the flip of a switch!

BREAKING NEWS! The second SGC album (recorded in stark black & white) is in the final mix stage and will be spamming up bandwidth soon! Special thanks to Jimmy Smith at Jimmy's Hot Rod Design and Christy Collins at White Cloud for making this badass artwork happen! The music doesn't suck too bad either (in my biased opinion). 

END OF SPAM  (I'm so sorry)                                                  


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UPDATES

This week's spare-time project is proofing the manuscript of Lost Drag Strips II for CarTech Inc. Don't be fooled by the black & white mimeographed copy - the finished product will be shiny and colorful. Look for it in April. Will this prove to be my last book? Will I ever do another magazine feature? Should I have quit writing ten years ago? We'll all find out soon enough.

The labyrinth hallways of the Rogue Regency Medical Center have been my playground as of late. One of several daily stops on my plant care route, this and other indoor horticultural locales will have to get along without me now, as the job didn't pan out. But the parting was amiable, and the adventure was a very interesting education.

My quest to splash ink in Steve Coonan's Rodders Journal bookazine remains unrequited, but my Show Rods book made this year's Christmas catalog, which is nice.  (Scotty shots)



SQUIRREL AND TOOLBOX

How the NHTSA sees hot rodders.

How hot rodders see the NHTSA.

Whether OSHA approved or not, tis the season to twirl those wrenches! (Image courtesy of David Chestnutt)


GRIN

Focus on this: The new Eddie Haskel Editions are out, and they look sleeker than ever! Is it just us, or have they lost some weight, too? Say, that chrome license plate frame really brings out the silver in that grey paint. (Scotty cellphone shot)

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SGE ROAD TEST: 2009 MERCEDES BENZ 300 COUPE

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The people who live across the street from my girlfriend Shellski bought this 2009 Mercedes coupe a couple of years ago. I've been staring at it ever since. From my mouth-breather perspective, it's hard to know what to make of such a car. But it makes them happy, which is all that matters.

Their names are Sandy and Orlan, and we have all become close friends over the years. Prolific collectors, we teasingly refer to Sandy and Orlan's home as "The Museum". They had us over for a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat this year. This weekend, they hosted some kind of Christmas Museum Tour event (don't ask me) as a charity fundraiser. To make room for guests, the Mercedes' were parked in Shellski's driveway. I cracked wise about needing the keys "In case of emergency, you know", and they tossed 'em my way! It was a little foggy, so it's hard to make out the coupe and its matching M-B SUV sibling, but they're parked on the street in front of the museum, as always. The following is an atypical day in the life of this professional car tester...

I needed to run to the hardware store, which is on the other side of town. I strapped in, cranked up, and was instantly transformed into a cyborg, at one with the Mercedes, while traversing to my favorite shopping emporium. Steering was quick, and suspension firm. Braking awesome, and tires gooey, even in rain!

Sandy and Orlan get obvious demerits for the blasphemous automatic transmission, which does its best to numb the cyborg vibe. Boo! But this reviewer loved the cozy and comfy interior, despite constant warring with the pain-in-the-ass shoulder belt (apparently, one must prove themselves sadistic to qualify for a Daimler engineering gig).

According to the badgery, this is a V-6 engine, but it looks more to me like someone slammed the hood on Darth Vader while he was installing a new radiator. 

No idea what this is (EFI barrel valve?), but it features excellent line routing! Bravo! Correction: Motormouth Ray tells me this is an "ABS distribution block", whatever that means.

Okay, enough foreplay - let's get to it. Hyper-aware that I was driving someone else's car (that's worth more money than I could make if I live to be a thousand years old), I mostly tiptoe'd through traffic, and was a Nervous Nellie in parking lots. But I was grinning enough to make my jaw ache. Dig the factory's implied stance and rake.

While in the neighborhood, I stopped to pay tribute to Chris Darland's old shop. It's probably been ten years since he moved out, and it remains untouched. This angle shows off M-B's stance trickery, using tall rolling stock to fill the wheelwells, while retaining ample ground clearance. This sleepy sidestreet is three or four blocks long - adequate for short term testing. The V-6 that felt annoyingly anemic around town, sprang to life with a hearty stomp of the throttle (Drive-by-Wire?). It didn't lay any rubber (Independent Rearend?) - just hooked and booked, kicking my ass hard into the rich Teutonic leather. My eyes must have been bulging, as I was really surprised by the torque. I dearly yearned for a full mile test, but thought better of it while savoring the last remains of Sandy and Orland's Thanksgiving gravy. (Note to self: Get a toothbrush)

Not certain if Chris Darland is responsible for the wall tag, but I still smile every time I drive by. This is where I first met Darland - before he became a local legend and international curiosity.

With The Merc now safely ensconced in the driveway, I resumed the day's scheduled activities, including a visit to our town's brand new dog park, which has already been savaged by taggers. Tsk, tsk.

Shellski's dog Rosie McDunski ("Rosie" for short) joined me for the occasion. I sensed that she preferred the old funky dog park over this sterile foreign upstart. Time will tell. 

The washer that started it all: The SGE Model A sheetmetal will be hung via round tubing. This is the business end, which required nylon washers to protect what is certain to be an AMBR-winning paint job some day. So I simply HAD TO panic to the hardware store for a fistful of these seventeen-cent washers, immediately! I might want to actually hang that sheetmetal some day.

Yet another crucial Model A project, the restoration (and ensuing customization) of this ancient school bus stoplight (and matching Do-Ray housing) has been dragging on for months. This is the "Before" shot from last Saturday. It looks different today, but not any better. Please stand by for "After" shot. Just don't hold your breath. (Scotty cellphone shots)

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UPDATE

While I fastidiously craft my AMBR-winner, SGE northern New Jersey correspondent Lance Sorchik has been jangling right along on his late-model ('33) beater, but has yet to offer explanation for its lack of mileage, other than some veiled excuses: "The cast iron intake I had (300-horse 327) was warped, and leaking exhaust into the valley of the engine, where the heat ports for the carb were located. This was creating all kinds of issues. Also, it took five - count 'em, FIVE - distributor modules to come up with one good one! But the car is like a new vehicle now, and is running the best it ever has."

"Since the weather is so nice, I plan to get it on the road this weekend and put some miles on it before the snow flies. Hopefully, I can concentrate on some final details this winter, like the interior, and be set for driving next spring. Cross your fingers." The entire SGE Nation is crossing their fingers for you, Lance! Have fun, and send photos! (Photos courtesy of Lance or Diane Sorchik)

SQUIRREL AND TOOLBOX

Hey Kids: Write your funny caption in the COMMENTS box and win valuable prizes! 

Ricky Sanders Racing is now pitching these aluminum rollaways at pitboxes.com. Gotta have one! Or more... Check 'em out!


GRIN

While doing my plant service route last week, I found this '31 pickup parked in front of a client's convention center. Once inside, I found myself at a regional meeting of the Model A Club of America (or something like that). During some chitchat, I let it slip that I'm doing a Model A, and the crowd embraced me with the warmth of a thousand Mother Teresas. We were back-slapping, wise-cracking, and smack-talking - until they asked for details of my build, and realized it was not a restoration. At that, I was soundly booed out of the very building I was being paid to service. And I was lucky to get out alive. I guess it still takes all kinds to make the world go around. (Scotty cellphone shot)

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