Tuesday, March 6, 2012

High Performance Interactive Executive Level Spam


The love affair with my subject matter (and the creative process itself) is no secret. It's less ego stroke and banknote than an unconditional lust for all things hot rod. A compulsive adrenaline fueled obsession that I shine up and call "passion". That's what drives me to cover the sordid events of my noisy world in dime store ink. I enjoy playing the messenger role and am slowly becoming more comfy with it. But converting gathered data into digestible infotainment for the masses is only the first step of an involved process. Somebody has to deliver the news. Those paperboys are the publishers. By some cosmic gaffe, I now have two world class powerhouse word mongers pushing my scribblings into every crook and nanny on earth. These patrons (CarTech Inc. and SourceInterlink Media) have supported my efforts with their herculean marketing, distribution and promotional machines, despite my constant railing against the evil corporate empire. And thank God, because, like many creative types, I have zero business sense and a deep rooted fear of blowing my Karma by blowing my own horn.

The SourceInterlink magazines I write for are so entrenched in the hot rod psyche that they pretty much sell themselves, but motivating magazine consumers to step up for a book is more of a challenge. That's where the Cartech Department of Marketing, Promotion and Dirty Trickery comes in. Reportedly on par with the Pentagon in terms of manpower, brainpower, and exceeding government levels of horsepower, the CT MP&DT staff moves mountains while keeping a subterranean profile. I recently received classified documents from an anonymous CT MP&DT mole (reportedly working from G. Gordon Liddy's old office) detailing how you - yes, YOU - can help the company unload the glut of Scotty Gosson books they're stuck with. [Note to self: Replace previous sentence with "can help the company enlighten the world by eliminating smut"]

It turns out that both Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com provide for reader reviews of the books on their websites. According to my sources, positive reader reviews are the number one selling point of these online products. So if you've read my books (or just enjoy a "creative writing exercise"), please jot down a book review on these sites. It's quick, easy and fun! This simple act will transform you from a humdrum nobody into a snooty literature reviewer overnight, and both Cartech and I will really appreciate it. If you don't fancy yourself the creative writer type, here's a basic template to work from:

Since reading Gosson's masterpiece, my outlook on hotrodding and, in fact, life itself, has changed dramatically for the better. I now enjoy a major increase in fuel mileage, whiter teeth, and my sex life has entered an intense new dimension I never imagined possible. I recently experienced a major spiritual awakening and got a raise at work, as well. Coincidence? You might say so, if you haven't read the works of Scotty Gosson. But Scotty has taught me that "coincidence" and "luck" can now be stricken from my vocabulary and replaced with "what is meant to be". For that alone, I highly recommend this book - the last one you'll ever need. At least until his next one comes out.

To reward you for your hard work, I recommend a relaxing read through CarTech's website (www.cartechbooks.com), followed by some sparkling conversation on their Facebook page (www.facebook.CarTechBooks), where famous authors sometimes drop in to mix it up with readers. If that still isn't enough entertainment for you, get a load of this: Cartech recently debuted their shiny new blog (www.cartechbooks.com/blog), featuring reader's rides, blog posts from actual authors, and exclusive excerpts from insightful books, written by consummate professionals, like me.

                                                           Thanks kids! I owe you one.