THE CIRCUS PROCESSION

Contrary to popular belief, the NHRA did not invent the travelling circus. The real trick will be to reinvent itself.

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Starkly juxtaposed against trillions of fading particles, the imagery remains beyond vivid. It still triggers emotions visceral and immediate. The greatest show on earth! Supercharged Gassers, seemingly shot out of the gate by Beelzebub's own cannon. The ultimate doorslammers. Until, in an unimaginable leap of "evolution", Funny Cars were granted classhood. It was a thrilling spectacle - so much so that many racers and fans soon sensed a whiff of theater when the class was called into the lanes. Hot Rod magazine itself regularly referred to the Funnies in circus terms. But drag racing was already so inherently dramatic that altering it to suit the masses seemed a redundant and blasphemous betrayal - a sellout. Within a year, a Civil War erupted in the sport. Event promoters attempted to play both sides by blasting calliope music from track speakers and hawking discount popcorn. The naysayers were not amused, but we all know who won the war. The show must go on, until the last dog standing has bought a ticket. And even the surliest junkyard dog in town can't resist the lurid seduction of nitro guzzlers challenging the laws of physics on a drag strip. 

As rules changed to accommodate advances in technology, a parity-driven stagnancy slowly infected the pro classes. About twenty years ago, the inevitable backlash arrived on the scene and spawned the nostalgia movement. Two decades of hand wringing have finally delivered the circus to its Waterloo. 

This year's Silly Season has already proven itself the silliest ever. And just in time. Much needed change is in the air and it's smelling a lot like teen spirit. Frustrated racers, fans and entire sanctioning bodies are going proactive, with dramatic results already. And wouldn't you know it, the fuss once again is all over the evolution of fast doorslammers: 

Last fall, a group of Pro Mods invaded the sacred NHRA Hot Rod Reunion and stole the show. Haters be damned, the fans in the stands raved about the Pro Mods, positioning them nicely for negotiations-to-come, with a merry-go-round of players.

About that same time, the principals at the rogue American Drag Racing League made off with the Pro Mod purse after the Championship event, leaving the ADRL's future in question. This debacle prompted a debate among Pro Mod owners in survival mode, regarding the plausibility of escaping the "Pay to Play" status quo. That argument was interrupted by news of king-sized purses being competed for in the Arabian Drag Racing League (yes, it rhymes with ADRL). 

At the PRI trade show in Indy, Rockingham  Dragway owner Steve Earwood announced the formation of the Professional Drag Racing Association as a restructuring of the ADRL, only to return home and find that ADRL Pro Mod racers Jason and Mitchell Scruggs, Gene Hector, Roger Henson and Tommy Franklin had beaten him to it, and named their entity the National Drag Racing Association - the result of Scruggs fronting purchase money to Kenny Nowling, who bought out Sheik Kalid Al-Thani and Al-Anabi, who have been incommunicado since the infamous Championship race. Al-Anabi's status as an NHRA team owner is unknown at press time.

Meanwhile, the IHRA has announced the formation of its Sonic Rush Tour - a veritable travelling thrill show of jet cars, wheelstanders and other exhibitionists, who will visit nine states in 2014.

And just on today's wire, SGE was notified by the National Muscle Car Association of a mandatory Electrimotion Shutdown Transmitter to be used in conjunction with a corresponding Electrimotion Safety Box in all Pro Mods. These devices will automatically kill fuel and ignition systems, as well as deploy parachutes as Pro Mods cross the finish line.

In the midst of these developments, the NHRA released a bulletin announcing that the Circle K grocery store will sponsor this year's Winternationals. 

Not being an industry insider myself, I read most of these accounts on the Competition Plus website and relayed them here as best as I could remember them. I probably should have taken notes.

Thrill seekers delight. The circus appears to have gone completely off the tracks. This image could represent the ADRL, PDRA, NDRA, IHRA, NMCA, or NHRA. It most definitely represents SGE. Chances are, you have an opinion on this. You're always welcome to leave it in the COMMENTS box, below. Just know that to the best of our knowledge, no scale figurines were injured in the making of this photograph.

                                                                                

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CONNECT THE DOTS! It's Fun!

We're all connected. The reminders are everywhere. Motormouth Ray was doing the morning crossword in his Long Island, New York home when this popped up, resulting in an impromptu coffee shower on his keyboard. My little Oregon town is known for more than just squirrels though...(Photo by Motormouth Ray) 

Lithia Motors may have started as a southern Oregon Mopar dealer, but now they're multiplying like rats and consuming the unsuspecting like zombies, with stores in nearly every state. The new World Headquarters campus is across the street from my building. (Scotty shot)

In humbler times, Lithia sponsored this Valiant, captured rolling into the pits at Woodburn Drag Strip in '67 by Gary Reynolds. I found Gary's photo online, just minutes after shooting the previous image. That got my attention....

... and reminded me of all the great times I've spent racing with my pals at Woodburn. Here's famous novelist Jim Lindsay in the lanes with his Little Big Man T roadster. (Photo courtesy of Jim Lindsay)

And Todd Miller's more modern interpretation of an Altered. I haven't heard from Todd lately, but assume he's prepping for more records in 2014. (Photo by Paul Grant)

Thoughts of Altered evolution took me back to 1965 and Marlowe Treit's Miss Demeanor Turbonique-powered trike. I've really been missing this kind of wildcat innovation. (Photo by Gary Reynolds)

Then I remembered Marlowe's new ride, the Treit and Davenport Target 550 streamliner. The small photo is misleading - this thing is enormous! I've seen it under construction and the engineering and execution are breathtaking. Stereo Hemis packing plenty of poop should hit the 550 mark this year. It'll be one of many landspeed racers at the Grand National Roadster Show in Pomona, January 24 - 26. Expect an epic all-star streamliner slugfest at Bonneville this year. (Photo courtesy of Target 550 MPH)

Streamliners always trigger thoughts of how they've developed from the early days of hotrodding. My current project is attempting to strike a pleasing balance between the traditional dry lakes ethos and modern build techniques. That remains to be seen, but in the meantime, I'm having a blast throwing sparks at Dr. Lockjaw's Custom Metal shop in Applegate, Oregon. We went with rectangular rails, but I like working with round tube, so... Don't worry, the weird stuff won't be visible and the finished product will appear conventional, at a glance. Kinda. (Scotty shots)

Through all of this, I couldn't stop thinking of Motormouth Ray and his childhood dream of growing up to be an automotive journalist and crossword puzzle champion. Alas, he ended up a frustrated college professor and talk radio host, instead (I had a guest spot on Sunday's show). But that dashing young man puffing a pipe in his convertible is now making his way toward literary greatness, one step at a time. Luckily for him, Ray took my sage advice and started at the beginning with cartoons. Smart kid. Cartoons will teach you succinct writing even faster than a Twitter account. (Photo courtesy of Motormouth Ray)

I tell ya, this kid's going places! (Images courtesy of Motormouth Ray)


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SQUIRREL AND TOOLBOX

Okay, it's obviously way too cold out for even a squirrel. Luckily, the owner of this week's stand-in squirrel ensured that this guy was stylishly bundled up. But please bring your pets in at night - at least long enough to read this blog!

Our bottomless stock of toolbox photos has suddenly hit bottom! But a frenzied last minute online search turned up what was purported to be Ed Pink's personal rollaway. We couldn't verify that, and this isn't what one would expect of a world renowned race engine builder and hot dog empire heir, but we're just going with it for today. Enjoy.

RACING TO AMERICA EXPOSED!

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No artist "gets" grassroots hot rodding like Lance Sorchik. Granted free reign to illustrate his take on the narrative within, the Mayor of Jumpstart, New Jersey surpassed all expectations. Again. Thanks Lance! Again. (Image by Lance Sorchik)

Seductive back cover blurb and steamy celebrity endorsements hint at content while directing hands to... wallets. So sayeth the Gosson Bros. Racing Library Marketing Department. We'll see. (Scotty shot)

My apologies to any hormonally overloaded hetero women or gay men who may have stumbled upon this site seeking hot porn action. The title is a bit misleading. The only thing being exposed here are the back-stories of hot rod journalism. There are other sites available that probably do a better job than I could regarding those other backsides and hot rods. Allow me to set the scene: I've been writing automotive books and magazine features for a variety of publishers over the years. During that time, I've also been writing for my own amusement on the side - mainly books that my publishers have deemed unprofitable. I recently launched my own publishing empire under the Gosson Bros. Racing Library banner, in an effort to prove said publishers out of touch with the wrenches in the trenches. Today marks the official announcement of the first GBRL release. Racing to America reveals a random sampling of racers from various motorsport disciplines and continents who lived their dream of leaving their marks on American asphalt, concrete, and salt. Check it out on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Racing-America-Global-American Motorsport/dp/1490539778.

Reporting, chop busting and general clowning (AKA wanking, spanking and pranking) may be the hallmarks of this blog today, but it was founded as a promotional tool to hype my work to potential audiences, editors and publishers. Painfully shy by nature, I can't carry a tune on my own horn. But this time, I'm making an actual effort. This time, it's personal. And so far, this particular leap of faith has been the wildest literary ride of my life.

With three overly ambitious independent books sitting on the shelf and ready to print, the idea for this one wasn't taken very seriously at first. But when I finally dove into the nuts and bolts of scratch-building a book, I quickly realized that my first attempt would have to be a simpler concept than those I'd been sitting on. Luckily, the stories and accompanying photos for this one came quick and easy. It all felt providential and the story arc fell naturally into place.

A needle in a haystack who instantly felt like a lifelong friend, Christy Collins is one sweet lifesaver to a lost author and would-be publishing tycoon. (Selfie by Christy Collins)

All was smooth until layout time. With little skill and no equipment, I stuck my hand out to the universe (letting my fingers do the walking) and connected with Christy Collins at nearby Confluence Book Service/White Cloud Press. Christy agreed to be my tour guide for a very reasonable fee and held my shaky hand through the graphic design process. We were total strangers when we met and tight friends shortly after. Confluence/White Cloud deals primarily in what are often referred to as "self-help" books. So they were every bit as baffled as I was when I first pulled my rowdy and ragged street/strip station wagon into their parking lot and wafted into their office on a cloud of over-rich exhaust fumes. I left reeking of incense and tea, confident that I'd arrived at the right place. And drove off with new hope in my pocket.

Fingerz Mullan, dialing up the spirit of Wild Willie Borsch before a kamikaze run down Famoso Raceway. Note Kiwi spelling on helmet full of Zen. One tiny example of the culture clash experienced while racing in the U.S. (Photographer unknown)

Andi Whitley, doing support duty at the March Meet. That was then. She's now the sole pilot of the Nitro Ape Altered. (Photographer unknown)

My love affair with the creative process is based purely on destiny. Economics have never been a consideration. Living my entire life well below the poverty level has been excellent training for journalism. Never has that been more true than with this project. The last ten months have seen every rare spare dime roll into the book layout. When that was finally declared done, there were no funds for printing and momentum screeched to a halt - until I leaked a sample to Fingerz Mullan and Andi Whitley in New Zealand, who are featured in the book. They volunteered to pay for the initial printing in exchange for New Zealand sales at their Retro America store in Mount Maunganui. Thanks to these genuine hardcore rodders, I then hit the PRINT button and became a publisher. See the result at http://www.amazon.com/Racing-America-Global-American-Motorsport/dp/1490539778

Printing was done via Createspace, which is an Amazon print-on-demand service. Frankly, they were the cheapest (I scrimped on paper stock and saved a bundle by using a matte finish). And being Amazon cousins means that the advertising, sales, distribution and shipping chores will be handled by professionals, so I can just lay back and count the money. Theoretically. Amazon discounts books to the public and also provides authors an option to sell e-book versions of their work, via their Kindle brand. I clicked that button, too. Again, it was Christy Collins who educated me on this minutiae that I previously had no interest in.

As for the book itself, I'm satisfied with the end product, though it is compromised from my original intent. But money does the talking at decision time. And no amount of dough could pay for the education received during this journey. Lessons learned will be applied to the next GBRL book, and so on. Live and learn.

Short of reproducing the entire book here, I offer the SGE Nation the following sneak preview:

The effusive Cole Coonce composed a one-page Foreword that says more than I could convey in 124 pages, instantly setting the mood for exploring the ying and yang of racing far, far away from home. It's what he does. (Photographer unknown, but I know that's Mendy Fry in the Nitro Kitty headgear, at right.)

CHAPTER 1: LAND SPEED RACERS

Kiwi Bill Ward set his rock and roll career aside to build this rear-engine T roadster for his triumphant return to Bonneville, 24 years after promising, "I'll be right back." (Photo courtesy of Bill Ward)

Norwegian Hans Blom figures if you have to bother with getting there, you might as well have some fun doing it. His Coupe de Ville runs an Idaho front plate, with an Arkansas version at rear. Nuff said. But Hans arrived at Speed Week in time to pick up a new red hat. He looks awesome in it, too. (Photo by Michele Abad)

Swiss racer Peter Fontana is a staunch traditionalist. The '32 Ford roadster is his vehicle of choice, but he isn't stingy with it. Peter and company helped several salt rookies license in this car. (Photo by Frank Donnelly)

Aussies Doctor Goggles, Reverend Hedgash, and Colonel Grump built their bellytank as found art, then got lost in the process of finding their way to Speed Week. They're still out there somewhere and are bound to appear eventually. (Photo courtesy of Spirit of Sunshine)

Italians Fabio Montani and friends approached Bonneville via their Formula 1 backgrounds. Their fresh take on landspeed racing made an immediate and permanent impact on the sport. The salt will never be the same - for streamliners, anyway. (Photo by Fabio Montani)

Swiss financier Rick Pearson took a relatively lowbuck path to streamliner competition with the turbo Kawasaki powered "Flower of Scotland". The native Brit claims, "My granny is Scottish, so it all makes sense." (Photo by Coolpix)

The French "Les Triplettes Plus One" team hit the salt with a Renault postal truck and nobody flinched. This is pretty tame, compared to their previous landspeed entries. This Speed Week visit proved epic as any though... (Photo courtesy of Les Triplettes)

A Kiwi Chapter 1 contender who didn't get featured, but made it into the Epilogue. (Photo courtesy of Chris Harris)


CHAPTER 2: DRAG RACERS

Kiwis Fingerz Mullan and Andi Whitley bought their "Nitro Ape" Bantam in the States, so they wouldn't have any logistics hassles. Right. But they got to live out their dream of wheeling a storied racer down a storied dragstrip. Now Fingerz and Andi are officially storied themselves. (Photographer unknown)

Swede Micke Gullqvist ran his '57 on the European FIA Pro Mod circuit before joining up with Melanie Troxel's U.S. team. In fact, Micke runs the FIA's drag racing sanctioning body. He doesn't do anything at less than 100%. (Photo courtesy of Micke Gullqvist Collection)

Aussie Ross Preen and family brought the legendary "Banshee" AA/FD to the California Hot Rod Reunion for a scant few moments of running time and went home completely satisfied. I met Ross' son Chris in the pits at an ungodly hour and the dragster was instantly penciled into the book. (Photo courtesy of Ross Preen collection)

An Aussie Chapter 2 contender who couldn't make the call to the line. (Photo courtesy of Tony Wilson)

CHAPTER 3: TOP ENDERS

Norwegian Pal-Arvid Blytt represents the public highway leadfeet of the world. Pal's adventures with this '86 Trans Am define high velocity revelry. One example: He was clocked at 253 MPH. In the rain. (Photo courtesy of Polly Motorsport)

Some Chapter 3 contenders (from Australia and Japan, respectively) who didn't make it into the book:

(Photo courtesy of Sarah Burgess)

Can you name these infamous tuners? If so, please don't. No one likes a spoiler. And someone could go to jail. Full explanation in the Epilogue. (Photo courtesy of Mr. X)

BONUS: The book includes a free comprehensive shipping guide for those considering some overseas action. This was inspired by my desire to beat my hot rod at England's Goodwood Festival of Speed. It could happen.

The esteemed SGE Consultation and Advisory Department tells me that book reviews are the single most powerful advertising tool today. So please take a moment to write a glowing review of Racing to America when ordering your copy at Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Racing-America-Global-American-Motorsport/dp/1490539778 And please DO NOT write a review after reading Racing to America! Thank you.

And thank God this spam fest is finally over. I don't use the word "hate" casually, but I really hate doing promotion. HATE IT!!!

Did I mention that Racing to America is available now at Amazon.Com? Here's a handy link: http://www.amazon.com/Racing-America-Global-American-Motorsport/dp/1490539778

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SQUIRREL AND TOOLBOX

A rare western Canadian hole filler, submitted by hardcore hot rodder, grassroots drag racer, and esteemed SGE member Steve Wright, from British Columbia. Thanks Steve!

As I recall, the '57 owner was working under the car and asked his wife to get a tool from the box. She was already in the process, when he warned her not to open the top drawers first. It was too late.

NEXT WEEK: 2013 seems to have unraveled on its way out the gate. Racers stood slackjawed on the cusp of a brand new season and watched "proactive" ugliness consume entire sanctioning bodies. The good news is we were overdue for some changes. The bad news: The ensuing adjustment period won't be comfy for anyone. Meanwhile, the NHRA is standing by to see how it all shakes out. Hopefully, they'll do something before next week's comprehensive report.

THIS WEEK: Buy Racing to America!: http://www.amazon.com/Racing-America-Global-American-Motorsport/dp/1490539778

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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That signpost up ahead... It looks a lot like the one in the rearview mirror. Is this some kind of deja vu juju? Attempts to adjust the picture and sound have proven futile. Where are we? Where are we going?

Hopefully, we're all going "Further". Eugene, Oregon sculptor Peter Helzer cast this hood ornament for Ken Kesey's Merry Prankster bus. It depicts a tiny Kesey pointing ahead, but we seem to have come full circle now. Are we just driving further into the circle? I once logged some miles on the bus and sensed we were actually going "Elsewhere". But what do I know?

We've done it again. Another parts store calendar in the trashcan and we're 365 days closer to the checkout counter. We'd better make this year count. Who'da thunk our fuses were long enough to reach the year 2014? Many of us should have been dead a hundred times over by now. Yet here we are, driving through the very future we could only guess at, yesterday.

2014 could prove to be the biggest culture collision since The Flintsones met The Jetsons in a twisted cosmic time warp. How so? 

It seems like only yesterday that we were aimlessly trolling for adventure...

... and back then, we all assumed we'd be cruising town like this in 2014.

Cadillac's thorium-fueled concept car takes us a little bit closer to that possibility, but is still anchored to Earth.

America's most esteemed engineers are feverishly working on a solution to the gravity problem.

Of course, defying gravity won't solve everything. As long as humans are at the controls, there's going to be trouble.

Luckily, a lot of us work from home now, which eases the pressure on infrastructure. Here I am, taking a little break from the keyboard.

Still, there are times when even the most dedicated employee must get out for some fresh air and exercise...

Irony of ironies, over 100 years after the industrial revolution, bicycling has made an enormous comeback and humans are getting in shape again! For something. The zombie apocalypse? 

Maybe we're preparing for the day when we finally convert the hot rods into hovercraft. 

One sure thing: 2014 is the make-or-break point for the NHRA. The Big Show has suddenly become dramatic again - for all the wrong reasons.

BOLD PREDICTION: Should it survive 2014, the NHRA will operate out of a rented office in a Glendora, California shopping center, built on the former site of Astro Dragway (the sacred burial ground of Wally Parks, and surprisingly, Jimmy Hoffa). They must be humbled to survive.


An inordinate amount of my time in the sixties was spent ensuring that my hot rod friends didn't know about my hippie musician friends, and visa versa. I was a double agent. There was no way I could've envisioned this day of equality - one big respect fest. We're all in this together and no one gets out alive.

Me again. Still rockin' the kids, over half a century since discovering the forbidden "race music".

As long as people, robots, and dogs want to shake a tail feather, I'll keep rockin' like Dick Clark...

The cat population has declined over the years, but their contributions live on and continue to inspire.

Through it all, strides in high performance continue, from seedy backyard garages to Detroit engineering laboratories, still driven by that demon "jungle beat" soundtrack. It is getting harder to find a place to exercise your horses though...

... Actually, this is one area where my peer group hasn't grown an inch. We're still knuckledraggers, one and all. We keep up on the trends, but stick to ancient basics, ourselves. Jeez, are we hampering the  evolution of the species?

Imagine the contributions we crusty old hot rodders and racers could make to the new Utopia. Our hands-on know-how could help improve everyone's quality of life! That seems more noble than selfishly focusing on our polluting money pits... But would it be as much fun? Is this the reason why we've lived so long and learned so much? To tear the old structure down and build a new grassroots society from scratch? We conducted that social experiment in the sixties, but it all fell apart in short order. Could we make it work this time, knowing what we now know? Or should we just fry rubber into the sunset, while there's still some oxygen left in the atmosphere to help burn the fuel?

Mr. Natural may be right. But yesterday's fun experiment could prove to be training for surviving today's reality, as radioactive Karma continues to flow across the ocean, from America to Japan and back again ... Remember Godzilla!


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Some festive New Years imagery for those who may have slept through it:

Paaartaaay!!!

On last week's Christmas post, we tastelessly poked fun at alcohol consumption, and drunk driving in particular. To clarify: There's sophomoric blog comedy, and there's reality. Before you even consider driving while buzzed, please take a moment to contemplate the ramifications. If you lose it out there on the road, the result doesn't just ruin your day - the ripple effect deeply scars everyone who ever gave two shits about you. Not to mention the people whom you may take out with you. Plus, you could scratch up your ride!

Someone put a lot of work into this GTO. Oh well. The driver's fate will be decided by - Da Judge!


HAPPY NEW YEaR, EVERYONe! 

With a major deadline looming (at midnight of December 31), little time was allowed for this decidedly sober New Years party post. The consequent lack of content is certainly a blessing to most, but someone is bound to complain about not getting their money's worth. Sorry, but the squeaky paying customers (publishers and editors) get greased first. Regarding the side effects of such deadline fever (sleep deprivation in particular), Uncertain Steve Scott quips, "I think that's what's called The Living Dead Writers' Society. Or is it The Dead Writers Trying to Live Society?" I think he's right on both counts...

Some of my artist heroes, in order of appearance: 

Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera
R. Crumb
Bo Monster
Stanley Mouse
R. Cobb
Pete Millar
Robert Williams

This concludes our special series of holiday blog posts. Next week: Back to the grim reality of having fun with cars and relaying the giggles to print.